Final Procedure

HAD AN AWESOME NIGHT WITH EVERYONE THERE!
Front row (L to R): Me, Atikah, Alice, Daryll and Tricia!
Back row (L to R): Nazirul, Alfred, Jasmine, Woon Yee, Si Xu, Peter, Yong Wei and Kieran!

These are some of the 200 photos that you guys are checking out right now! HAHA!

HI, SO YESTERDAY NIGHT WAS A BLAST. OK, let me just talk about school first. Yeah, there was Maths, Chemistry, GP, Biology and MT. Presented in class for Biology, I'm like hungry for that Class Participation marks. HAHA! After that, had to rush home from Bukit Batok all the way to AMK and from home, took a bus which was a journey of ONE HOUR ++ to Aloha Changi Chalet. Hectic Monday.

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When I reached the chalet, binged on sausages again! THE SAUSAGES ARE DAMN NICE OKAY. HAHAHA! I think I ate like 15 or less. Anyway, we took photos, ate, then all of us like literally sat around the coffee-table to talk and chit chat and laugh and stuffs, finally -- group photos. And most of them left, it was only the seven of us (Alice, Jasmine, Alfred, Peter, Daryll, YW) and we played BLACKJACK. Freaking lost money again =.='. I'm never going to play Blackjack, it's like a game of of bad luck for me. So yes, SAY NO TO BLACKJACK. HAHA, anyway.

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THERE ARE MANY MANY MANY MORE PHOTOS TO UPLOAD. Student's Council interview tomorrow, AHHHH, feeling kind of nervous leh!!! LOCKERS TOMORROW. Effing pissed. I have this urge to like type vulgarities. It's the same thing, same scenario. Always happens -- expected. When it comes to money, I'm not being trusted. It's like there's some label on my forehead, "Do Not Trust Me Financially". Stupid shit, lah. And it's not that I like to spend, OK, yes I do like to spend, but is that how I'm like that in that person's eyes? A spendthrift -- I'm said to have no compassion, unfillial and cunning and what, "You think I don't know what you're up to with all that money ah?".

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How the hell do you know where the money goes to? I HAVE RECEIPTS. WANT THE PROOF? Aiya, it's not like I'm so called 'Good' in your eyes already. Why bother proving myself to YOU? It's okay that I can prove myself to someone that I'm good and trustworthy, so why do I bother proving myself to you?

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No matter what shit I do, you think I have a bad motive. That's what you think. It's like, if you think that way, I really don't know what to do anymore. It's hard and every day I get by with your criticism on how you feel about me and that I am doing good things because I have an agenda. It's hard enough that people don't accept my offer to help but I don't freaking care at all, but you, you think I help out because I have a bad motive.

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I don't even care what everyone thinks about me because NOTHING they say is compared to how you feel badly about me and how saturated the negativity there is coming from me. So yes, I just want to run away and I've been controlling every single day, second and moment of my life, that thought that things will become better. Not once, since I was a Primary School kid, have you have told me something nice about me.

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But it's okay, because I guess, all in all, I'm just a huge burden to you and you think that I will never ever be a good person. It's okay. I hope, when I die, you won't regret the things you said and the things you didn't say, because it's just insulting that my death starts to become an eye-opener, like what, people should die so others would know their true feelings for the dead?

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Ahhhh whatever lah. I can feel my brain exploding and at any moment, I'm just so depressed right now. So Maths, you're also the reason why I'm depressed and I really have this strong urge to transfer to the Arts Stream. I CAN'T COPE WITH MATHS AT ALL.

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Lastly: This blog, I can choose to make it private, but I really don't like the thought of talking to myself. I can choose to create a private blog and put a password to this post, but like I said, I hate the thought of talking to myself. So, I have thought hard about what people will think and say after reading this, and I just hope that if you think it's none of your business, it's really none of your business, you read in discretion, close and move on. If you think it's any of your business, it would be really great to talk to someone and just do it personally, by text, call or face-to-face. I really don't like to be reminded, of the bad things I published on my blog, online.

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Thank you! And no, I'm not troubled. I have been handling my problems and it was only when I learnt to share my problems with Nurul, and also, this 'depression' comes once in awhile, although it would really be awesome to move out, but, the depression won't be there anymore. Shit, why am I explaining to you guys. OK, bye.